Busting the "Make Me" Myth

Busting the “Make Me” Myth

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission” – Mahatma Gandhi

Have you ever walked away from an argument upset about how angry the other person made you feel? Ever left your mother’s house thinking, “Why does she always make me feel so guilty?” Well, if you have, you’re not alone. It’s a natural human inclination to believe that other people have the power to direct our emotions; but it simply isn’t true. While other people can influence how we feel and inspire us to make changes, they have no control over our internal emotional state. And with just a small shift in perspective and a little bit of practice, we can release ourselves of the negative feelings that come with our uncertain, uncomfortable, unpleasant interactions with others.

Change becomes possible when we acknowledge that we are in charge of and responsible for our emotions. Although, at times, it certainly does feel as though other people have the power to alter our moods, change our minds, or hurt our feelings, it is important to recognize that that’s only a trick our minds play on us. When it seems as if other people are imposing feelings on us, we’ve already stepped into the trap; and escape comes with realizing that those emotions are actually bubbling up inside of us. If we can recognize that, we can seize control of our emotions and make thoughtful choices about how to feel and how to respond.

This does not mean, however, that such a shift comes easily. We’ve been trained for most of our lives to be emotionally reactive to others—to feel that other people can make us feel a certain way. But we can practice unlearning what we’ve learned, and we can start that practice today.

The next time you’re compelled to relinquish control of your feelings, consider taking these four easy steps:

1. Slow down your thoughts and take a deep breath.
2. Identify the feeling(s) you’re experiencing.
3. Ask yourself: Do I have other options? Is it possible for me to not take on this feeling? What can I feel instead?
4. Congratulate yourself. You’re back in the driver’s seat of your own emotions.